That which slips through the cracks

After a while, his attention had been caught by a necklace. It was silver with a medium sized wolf hanging off the end of it in a howling pose. He felt himself drop whatever he had originally been looking at and go straight to the jewelry counter and ask the sales woman if they had another copy of that necklace in a man's design and she smiled and nodded before opening a glass case and pulling out the design for men and handing it to Shuen.

He smiled down at it and nodded. "This is perfect....I'll take it."

The clerk nodded and spoke lowly, as if sensing what he was, "That'll be 300 pounds..."

Shuen paused and looked at her as if she were insane but eventually sighed and dug into his coat before he finally pulled out his money bag and paid the clerk.

Sebastian continued to browse looking about as he did and stayed back not to stalk him but to give him space Shuen was looking frazzeled and he didn't want to upset him further and cause a scene mostly because it meanting getting an ear full from Ceil and he wasn't in the mood for that lecture not when all he wanted was to get back and run his fingers through that sublime sleek black hair to feel those delicate tender pink paws beneath his fingers and those blissful eyes set in a perfect face. He'd sigh but then again he had much work to do before he could go out and spend time with his beautiful lady.

Unless that blasted demon dog chased her off again.....honestly why Pluto seemed to find him so very fastionating was beyond him.

But then he paused again and turned back to the clerk and asked her as gently as his voice would allow, "Excuse me...but...could you possibly gift wrap this for me?"

The woman looked at him for a long while in silence before finally she nodded and took the necklace from Shuen and walked in back to gift wrap it for him. As soon as she left, Shuen sighed and put his hands over his face. What was he doing? What was he thinking?

There was no way Keyon would even remotely care about this necklace, about Shuen getting him a gift. He knew, in the back of his mind, that Sebastian was watching him from a distance, but even so...that wasn't enough to stop Shuen from once again falling apart at the seams.

He was hopeless and a fool.

Sebastian walked over and set down the items seeing him falling apart at the seems as he had the necklace bought and mentally sighed. What was it with those around him and becoming emotional basket cases? Finnie was always breaking things. Mey-rin.....well the china didn't have a long shelf life around her and he had to rebuild the kitchen for the ball this weekend.

Sebastian looked at him. Ceil's list of demands kept growing and now he was here with a wolf demon who seemed to be about to fall apart and he himself? Well one might call him a crow, or a raven didn't really matter to him. He looked at Shuen as the woman went into the back having set the items down and took a deep breath.

"The ball is casual." he looked over. "The calls will be going out tomorrow let Duke Kingsland know. The three of your are still attending correct?"

Shuen rose his head to look at Sebastian before he shook his head. "I was never attending to begin with...." he said lowly before he looked back down at his feet. He had no reason to go to a party where he wasn't needed, wasn't really wanted.

"I'm not rich...nor am I noble...I'm not even a servant...so why should I waste my time?" he asked lowly as he kept looking down at his feet. He had suddenly felt as if he were lesser than Sebastian. And maybe, just maybe he somehow was.

Sebastian looked at him and rose an eyebrow. "How odd.....I did not think the Duke of Kingsland made an error. He specifically said he'd be bringing his housekeeper Cecilia, that she could use the night off and his personal guest and compaion for the night Shuen Nusumi.....you are him are you not?" Sebastian asked looking at him. "If you are indeed not attending I will have to make adjustments to the dinner menu...."

Shuen looked up at Sebastian before back down to his feet. "Oh..." he said lowly as if he didn't know what else to say.

But after a while he looked back up at Sebastian and sighed. "I...will have to talk to Keyon...but...I can't promise that I'll be there..." he said lowly before he turned to look at the woman as she came walking out of the back with the small package wrapped in white wrapping paper and a black bow. She smiled and handed it back to Shuen.

Shuen took the gift and smiled sadly down at it. "I've...got to go..." he said lowly before he looked up at Sebastian before he looked back at he doors.

Sebastian looked at him. "Of course. I will leave your reservation in place." Sebastian said politely as he bowed slightly at the waist and smiled. "We'll be expecting your arrival." He said as he turned and gave that charming smile to the lady behind the counter who seemed to relax as Sebastian turned and laid on the charm. Things were certainly getting interesting.

Shuen glanced at Sebastian before he sighed and turned and walked out of the store and untied his horse and mounted it. He took another look into the store before he shook his head and turned the horse back towards the estate.

With each step the horse took brought him closer to the house and with each inch Shuen grew more and more nervous. "Damn it...why the hell am I so nervous?" he asked himself lowly as he allowed the horse to trot along.

When he finally reached the estate and put the horse away, he walked up the steps to the front doors in complete nervousness. When he got inside, he kept glancing around as if he were expecting to get tackled down to the ground.

Keyon walked through the halls much to Cecilia's dismay he was tired and cold and had a slight case of the sniffles but they would be gone soon enough A heavy robe around his shoulders as he walked along feeling warmer and much better but at the same token could not lay down and rest. He had a lot on his mind right now.

Shuen had been standing there for who knew how long now just looking around as if he had been expecting something terrible to happen.

As soon as he spotted Keyon, he instantly put his hands behind his back to hide the gift. "Oh...Keyon...I didn't expect you to be out of bed..." he said lowly, shifting nervously witht he gift hidden behind his back.

Keyon looked over and smiled a bit sadly. "Couldn't rest." he said softly as he looked at Shuen. He had been awake enough to hear him say he was too selfish. "I've been meaning to talk to you, it's a little late.....but the Phantomhives are throwing a Yule Ball, I had wanted you to come as my guest.....the tailor will be arriving tomorrow." he said as he walked over and sat down on the stairs his breathing wasn't as good as it should be and he was feverish which had Cecilia having fits going to go make some herbal tea no doubt and she'd insist he'd go sit down in the living room and she'd light a fire to warm the room if she hadn't already sometimes he swore she was such a mother hen after all if he died she got her meal and yet she seemed determined to keep him alive and then there was Shuen who for better or for worse told him.....she could have ended the game long ago and collected but didn't.

Keyon didn't understand that, that as she had contracted it as a game she could end the game at any point she choose and would not. Then there was Shuen, who he wasn't contracted to but he wanted him to stay to become part of there family to never leave and didn't know if he would stay like that.

Shuen sighed and held on tightly to the little box hidden behind his back. "Oh..." he said lowly and looked down at the floor, at his feet. 'Oh' What the hell kind of reply was that?! He mentally kicked himself as he kept his gaze fixated on his feet.

"Um...What do you want to talk to me about?" he asked lowly as he shifted nervously again. He knew what Keyon wanted to say...but...he couldn't do this. He couldn't keep telling himself that things would work out like this...because...as bad as it hurt...he knew it would not.

Keyon closed his eyes what to talk about? That he was selfish and couldn't give either one of them up. That he wanted them both in his life. That he......Keyon shook his head and looked down. "That....was it." he said because he couldn't give Shuen the answer that he wanted that he would love him and him alone. He took a deep breath and stared at the floor before slowly standing his heart hurt with the knowledge that because he couldn't choose one over the other fate would make that choice for him. That Shuen before long would be leaving.

Keyon got up and slowly made his way towards the living room it wasn't it, that was a bold faced lie but he couldn't tell him that he choose him alone and he couldn't tell him that he didn't want him to stay and so at the moment there was nothing for Keyon to say.

Shuen felt himself hold his hand out as if he was trying to silently tell Keyon to turn around and come back to him, but he knew that he wouldn't. So instead, he lowered his arm and sighed closing his eyes. He was so tired. It hurt. Everything hurt and the longer he stayed, the more it would hurt. He knew that...and yet...

He walked into the living room and came to stand in front of Keyon and held out his right hand, the small box in it. "Here..." he said lowly in almost a whisper. He was so embarrassed. Because the more he did for Keyon the more he wanted to stay here...but he knew that the longer he stayed, the more likely he was to put Keyon in a situation that he didn't want to be in, in a situation that would possibly cause Keyon to get hurt.

Keyon looked up and reached up to take the offered box looking at the gift wrap and tipped his head curious as to what was in it, upon opening it he paused looking at the wolf howling at what perhaps the moon? An interesting thought. A wolf howling longing for what it could never have. He smiled as he ran his fingers over the pendant in the box and looked up at him. "It's beautiful thank you." he said as he set the box down pulling out the necklace and shifting it around his fingers fumbling as he sighed and then shifted. "Could you?" he asked holding it out to him. He'd hug him but with how feverish he was feeling phsyical contact for prolonged periods even in that of a hug wasn't something he wanted it would only make him feel sicker.

Shuen looked at Keyon for a moment before he closed his eyes and moved, putting the necklace around Keyon's neck and stepped back to look at it on Keyon. He felt a pain run through him and he frowned.

Yeah. It was perfect. A symbol of everything that he felt for this man, for this human. He shook his head and clenched his fists before he turned and walked back to the entrance of the living room, a distance that he would have to learn to put between himself and Keyon if he ever hoped to be able to get away from his foolish wishes.

He kept looking at Keyon in sadness. He was hurt and yet he kept putting himself in worse and worse situations. Why...he wasn't sure.

Keyon closed his eyes he felt them begin to fall one after another the necklace was beautiful, Shuen was wonderful he had been so kind and Keyon could not choose him alone. He was hurting Shuen. "Thank you." he said again as he closed his eyes, and sat back down letting his head drop into his hand as the tears fell his long hair falling loose about his frame. It hurt....it hurt that he couldn't choose but he couldn't his feelings for Cecilia didn't go away just because Shuen was here and yet his feelings for Cecilia didn't diminish his feelings for Shuen and yet he knew he could not have them both. And it hurt.

Shuen shook his head and closed his eyes before speaking lowly, "No...thank you..." He couldn't help it. He had been cast out of everything his entire life, this was no different. And as much as it hurt...he accepted it just as he had everything else.

"Even though I'm not worth your kindness at all...nor am I worth your efforts...you already have Cecilia who has been here for you through everything. She has cared for you more than I ever have..." he said as he looked at Keyon in sadness.

"I am a demon who has no place in life...and that's okay. I've grown used to not having a place to belong, or a person to belong to...this situation is no different. You shouldn't shed tears for me...I'm not worth them."

Keyon blinked at his words and got up despite his fever despite wanting to fall over and walked over to him closing the distance and hugged him it was the last thing Keyon needed not feeling well but it was something that Shuen needed his fingers tangling in the material of Shuen's shirt. "I'm crying because I do want you.....but I can't give up one for the sake of the other.....and because of that you're going to eventually leave."

Shuen had went wide eyed when Keyon hugged him, but he had quickly let his gaze soften as he looked down at Keyon. "Even if you want me...what point is there in having me?" he asked in a whisper.

"I know I can't share you...I'm not that kind of person...and I can never hope to be that kind of person...so why then, would you still want me? You can't give me what I want...nor will Cecilia let you..." he said lowly as he felt the tears stinging his eyes.

"I can't keep pushing myself to do this...when I know that sooner or later, I'm going to make you fear me for good...I'm just going to end up hurting you..."

Keyon closed his eyes as he stood there in tears a slight weezing could be heard he was in no condition for this and didn't care. "You act like it's something that will never happen but how do you know if you don't try...." he said lowly even if he coudln't share he didn't know and Keyon slowly let go as he pulled back and looked at the floor before his vision swam and he held his head too much this was too much right now.

Shuen closed his eyes and caught Keyon in his arms. "I know...because I wasn't the one who was here first...because I'm the one that no one ever wants..." he said lowly before he handed Keyon over to Cecilia.

"I don't have to know the future to see that you'll never be able to choose...I can see it right now..."

Keyon closed his eyes as his breathing became slightly labored and his fingers tensed in the material of Shuen's shirt. "I'm sorry." Keyon said softly that he couldn't choose that he was making Shuen feel this way that he was....so powerless to do anything at the moment to make things better and even if he did have the power. It's not something he'd have the right to do, he couldn't make anyone behave in a way that went against there very nature. "Let....please let me treat you special for one night....let me.....take you to the Yule Ball....." he said as his eyes started to close.

Shuen shook his head. "There is nothing to be sorry for...it is my fault for being this...if I was someone else...maybe life would have been better..." he said lowly.

But the last part is what caught him off guard. Treat him special? He couldn't help but snort that that. "Treat me special? There is nothing special about going with you and her," he said lowly, the last part coming out in disgust.

"I told Sebastian that you were still coming...don't...try to make things sound better than what they are..." he said lowly before he turned and walked out of the living room.