That which slips through the cracks

Keyon sighed as he reached out and placed his hand ontop of Shuen's head ruffling his hair despite the age difference seeing him like this almost made him seem like a child and Keyon the full grown adult who had been through a few too many life times. He looked at him as he listened to him hearing his words and took a deep breath. "That's hard...for anyone to do. We're always going to fighten or upset each other, we're going to aruge we're going to have our fair share of problems. Your being here your company makes me happy, You and Cecilia both......if neither of you were here this place would be so very lonely. And it's still lonely with just Cecilia and myself.....I'm glad your here."

Shuen sighed and shook his head. "As if anyone could ever want me...but it's nice of you to treat me so well..." he said lowly and walked over to his bed and sat down.

He put his face in his hands and sighed. "I'm glad that you at least let me have a place to go...even if I have no one to go to...." he said after a long while of silence. He hadn't really thanked Keyon for that, for giving him a place to stay.

He knew that Keyon wouldn't give him some one to go to...that wasn't really possible at this point. But it felt nice to have Keyon try to comfort him and give him a place to be.

Keyon sighed as he looked at him. "How many times do I need to repeat myself. I asked you to come here because I want you here." He said looking at him slightly annoyed at that one but sighed shakign his head and letting his hand fall.

"I....can't be what you need me to be...." He said who he needed him to be he.....shook his head. "My past won't let me, I'm sorry."

Shuen felt them falling again. Those words hadn't been ones that he had wanted hear ever. But even though they fell, he couldn't keep himself from looking up at Keyon and nodding. "I...know..." he said between sobs. He felt so helpless and completely, utterly defeated and useless. They had been right all along. No sane being would ever want a bond with him. Not ever.

It had taken him such a long time to come to terms with things. His past...his life in general. But now...everything was falling apart for him again. He put his face back into his hands and cried some more. He was pathetic. Useless, worthless and had no purpose at all...other than to be his master's dog.

After a while though, he finally calmed down enough for him to stand up and look at Keyon before he looked away and closed his eyes. "I...need to go..." he said lowly. What reason did he have for being here now? There was nothing, no reason at all. He wanted Keyon, loved Keyon he knew that...but...there was no point in keeping on having hopes that would never be realized, feelings that would never be returned.

Keyon looked at him and sighed reaching out to grab his arm in a firm grip. How did he explain it? That he wanted to get past this fear, that he wanted Shuen to stay and yet....his hand was shaking despite how firm it was on his arm meaning it wasn't firm at all....I need to go. Keyon closed his eyes and turned. "Yeah..." he said softly lowly before turning to leave unable to tell him to stay. Even though he wanted him too....he wanted to get past these nightmares past these fears....wanted to learn more about himself. To feel again truly feel. He moved to leave the room.

Shuen closed his eyes and felt them coming again. But, before they could fall, he moved and ran past Keyon before finally letting them fall. He was truly hopeless. So many tears over a human. He was so stupid.

He knew that he shouldn't run away, knew that Keyon, in his own way, had wanted him to stay. But...right now he just wanted to go away. He would come back, this was the only place that he could come back to. Keyon was the only person in London, in the world that would let him come back.

Even knowing this, he ran and ran until he finally made it outside and just kept running until he made it to the woods outside of the estate and shifted into his true form and howled a long, sad, and pain filled howl. He was so hurt, so lost and sad that he just called forth the snow and let it fall just as his tears did.

After a while of him just standing there doing nothing, he went and curled up under a large oak tree and just let the snow fall on top of him as he whined and closed his eyes.

Keyon sighed and closed his eyes he knew he should let him go, he really should be he moved and left the mansion worse case sinero he could call Cecilia and she would show up. She always did, no he walked out and towards the woods something telling him he'd find Shuen in there. He walked not sure how long he was walking but since it was late spring early fall he didn't think it would be snowing heck even in London that wasn't usual.

He walked on though in the snow in the cold something about this was achingly fimiliar as he walked along he took a deep breath rubbing his hands together.

'I'm excited do you know that? Guess what Daddy will be home for Christmas this year. He promised he'd be here you know that doggie?? I can't wait......he promised daddy always keeps his promises... he heard the childs voice his memory of a wicked looking wolf not something anyone in there right mind would want to be around and still he had been unafraid then, he was a wolf a dog and daddy always said dogs were man's best friend.

Keyon blew on his hands as he walked it was always chill in london but this....he walked through the woods until he came to a tree one he knew one he had come to often growing up to run his hand along the bark as if looking for more innocent times. But he closed his eyes. "But he won't be coming home ever again will he?" he said softly lowly and wither he was talking about Shuen or about his father his family at this point he wasn't sure.

Shuen, upon hearing Keyon's voice, rose his head, the snow uncovering him as he moved. His fur, for the most part, was white so he blended in with the snow. That was his strong point. He could create snow, could create a way for him to gain the upper hand against his opponent. But this wasn't a fight, and it wasn't a hunt. This was him just being alone, being hurt and ready to just be covered in snow.

One could say that Shuen's powers were odd in their own right. He was a demon, so why exactly would a demon from hell be able to create snow? Many had made fun of him for it, but he loved the snow, loved how beautiful it was.

"Keyon? What are you doing out here?" he asked lowly, looking at him from where he was laying in the snow. He realized that normally, demon's didn't let humans see their true forms, it was considered bad luck among the demons, but...Keyon had already seen him once. He couldn't hide his true form from him now.

Keyon paused and tipped his head looking over his shoulder at him his breath coming out in white puffs of air as he looked at Shuen. His deep purple eyes taking in the sight of the wolf one he could remember seeing as a child and smiled sadly. A smile.....if Shuen knew this was the first time he had truly smiled in sixteen years it might make his heart light but as it stood. "The way you left you had me worried." he said lowly softly.

Keyon turned and slid down so that he was sitting in the snow in the cold and it was cold being human meant staying out here in this wasn't good for his health and consindering he had allergy induced asthma this would only mean he got sick later if he got too cold not that he cared at the moment in the last sixteen years much to Cecilia's dismay he often took unnessary risks with his health. And he had a feeling Shuen might fuss over him as well....not that he felt he was anything to fuss over. But as he sat there he realized it wasn't late spring the Yule Ball was at the end of the week.......so why then was he....perhaps it was because he was so tired.

"Tired........of people around me going away and never coming back....." he had chased after him because of that his parents when he was five....went away and never came back, the servants who took care of the house during his parents time had treated him horribly and left not wanting to tend to a child leaving him alone with Cecilia, he treasured Cecilia because she was always there but part of him feared if not for the contract she would go away. She wouldn't he was precious to her. "Cecilia stays because of this...." He said reaching up and touching the side of his face he couldn't see her staying for any other reason. "You have nothing keeping you here you could go.......why stick around someone who is so broken? For the purposes of a human to a demon I'm pretty worthless.....I don't know why she doesn't void the contract and leave me or even why you'd want to be around me....." a moment of fragility of weakness on his part.

Shuen sighed and got up from his spot in the snow and padded over to Keyon and sat down in front of him. "Don't..." he said lowly and looked at Keyon with sadness, yet his eyes also held a gentle tenderness that not a single living being had gotten to see.

"I want to be around you Keyon, because...." he paused, fearing that if he said it...Keyon would run away from him, would fear him and never want to be around him again. But it needed to be said, so finally, after a few moments of silent hesitation, he finished his sentence in a mere whisper, "love you..."

For a demon to say those words, for a demon to even feel something like that was considered treason. But he couldn't help it, couldn't stop the feelings inside of him.

Keyon looked up at him at his words and smiled sadly as the tears fell down the young Duke's face. Loved him......was it even possible for a demon to love but he could see it. Perhaps that was the difference between Cecilia and Shuen.....and yet he drew up one knee. "Love me......a broken damaged soiled man like me?" he looked at him finding it hard to believe that anyone could or would love him.

Cecilia stood further back but turned to give them space and go back in to prepare warm drink and warm some blankets for Keyon. She would leave them she did love him she loved Keyon dearly. Wither or not the kid realized it. It was why part of her feared now that once his heart opened up to Shuen he would try to find a way out of the contract and leave her. She was selfish in the aspect she didn't want to loose him. And could understand Shuen's feelings on that because hers were the same. And it wasn't about a meal for her. He stopped being one a long time ago.

Keyon reached out and up to gently play with a soft furry ear. "It was the last time. He ever kept his promise to me." he said softly. "it was my birthday you know.....we went out they took me somewhere special and then everything went dark.....when I woke they were doing terrible things men and women in masks." he played with the fur beneath his fingers. "I....came to think I was some sort of beast....something that wasn't meant to be loved for they totured me infront of them but killed them slowly there screams.......my father died first. Had he not loved me....I thought he would have lived." Keyon let his hand fall as he leaned back against the tree.

"I watched him die slowly having on a wall while they cut him apart cut odd symbols into his flesh.....and my mother......." it had been what broke him what made him think he was not a creature at all to be loved a being who even deserved it. "She....begged them to take me instead to use me instead.....She begged them to kill me in her place that I had outlived my purpose to her that she never loved the monsterous beast that put her in that position...."


Keyon closed his eyes as he leaned there looking up. "I came to think of it as a game if only I could get them in checkmate and heard her......after they killed my mother and soiled my body so many times it hurt to breathe and move she told me she would give me the power if I but asked if I but called it out and I did....I screamed checkmate."

Keyon looked at him. "She finished them all and touched my cheek after I told her I wanted it somewhere that meant she could never betray me, she could never leave me, that her power would be mine....and she did....here." Keyon looked at him. "I know I'm nothing more then a meal to Cecilia she'd probably leave if not for this mark and because of it is probably just bidding her time until I die and she can eat." he laughed a weak sad broken sound. "But you say you love me......my father loved me and he died.....my mother I donl't think ever did......I cling to Cecilia under the false hope she actually does care.....but you?"

Keyon looked at him. "I can't return it because I'm afraid......are you like my father or my mother.....is it really there or is it just a ruse until something else comes along.......I...don't want to be alone...." he whispered sadly lowly and closed his eyes.

Shuen closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can assure you of one thing Keyon...I'm not like anyone or anything you've ever seen..." he said lowly before he opened his eyes and looked at Keyon again.

"I'm rude, cold, cruel...sometimes violent...but...that is the demon side of me. As you've seen, I've gained a human side to me, and I've learned to love, to tolerate, to read, to cook, to clean, to work....I learned to live. Even though I can't put into words how I really feel at times, I can tell you this...I learned how to stand on my own...I'm no longer a child and I learned how to act like I'm grown...I forced myself to run from my past, my desires because I didn't want to hurt you, to hurt those around me....but you...you don't have a reason to run..." he said lowly as he looked at Keyon intently.

"Even if you don't believe me...Cecilia is not just a demon after a meal...she has managed to get out of master's grip and become her own person...she can feel just the same as you. Had she just wanted your soul...she wouldn't have protected you for so long...but...this isn't my place, this isn't something that should come from me...I love you, but...I can't take what isn't mine..."

Keyon listened to him. Listened to his words and closed his eyes and realized he was prehaps even more selfish then a demon for as he listened and heard him say that Cecilia wasn't after a meal that she could have ended the contract at any time and hadn't. To hear him say that this wasn't his place Keyon looked at him. He was so very cold and tired he didn't have a high enough constitution to be out here like this no matter how he acted and felt sleep hedging up on him. "Perhaps I'm the one who's being selfish.......can't.....can't .......I....." he said lowly as his eyes began to droop. "Have.....you.....both....." he said the last part lowly as if whispered on a dream couldn't he have them both.....couldn't he love them both equally....wasn't something like that possible......

Shuen sighed and shifted back into his human form and lifted Keyon up into his arms. "If that were possible...I would let you do anything you wanted...but...I'm very selfish Keyon...something like that for me...just doesn't work..." he said lowly, sadly as he held onto him and began to walk back to the estate.

When he got there, he walked into the entrance and just stood there looking down at Keyon in sadness. He wanted desperately to let Keyon have his way, but he just couldn't. He had too many problems for a relationship like that. He wasn't really even prepared for a relationship with a single person, let alone having that person love both him and someone else.

Cecilia came down into the grand froyer in her arms was a heated blanket as she walked up to him as he held Keyon not sure what they had talked about but had a feeling from the sad look on Shuen's face it had been something that made him face some of his own personal issues. She walked up letting the heated blanket fall open and drapped it over her young master before looking up at him. "Follow me please....the young master's personal chambers are this way he should rest now." she said softly as she turned and began walking not taking him from Shuen.....

She was selfish when it came to Keyon but at the same token. Shuen needed this needed to be able to hold him if even for a little bit. As much as she wanted to deny it and it drove her crazy she began to lead the way. Even though getting directions from her in any sort was probably the last thing he wanted. "You probably don't want to hear this from me....but if you ever leave it'll break his heart."

shuen looked up at her and closed his eyes. "I have no where else to go, so how on earth could I leave? I can leave and go places...but in the end...there is no place for someone as fucked up as me..." he said lowly, sadly even as he began to follow her.

"Don't get me wrong...I want desperately to go because...I know I'm not the one who he belongs to...because...I have no reason to linger on with useless ambitions...even then...I can't go anywhere, there is no place left for me to go to," he said lowly as he continued to walk along behind Cecilia.

This was the second time now that he had spoken to her about himself, about his own personal problems.

Cecilia allowed him into the room so that he could lay her down. No where to go no where that he belonged to and once he laid down Keyon she looked over at him and regarded him quietly. She looked at him and walked over to him. It wasn't unheard of just not common practice if at all. "Then make a contract with me." she said simply looking at him. The one who he hated......"So long as Keyon lives we will work as one to protect him. To keep him safe and to love him."

Cecilia moved and removed his shoes as she spoke shifting him about obviously used to it and then moved to carefully disengage the earrings. "That together we will treasure and keep this one safe from harm." It was an offer he could turn it down and they would share each others mark but it also meant....they could not stab each other in the back when it came to him. Together they would tend to and care for Keyon and....."the offer stands....Irrita." she said softly the fact that Keyon was out for the count and would not wake until at least nightfall meant this was a safe conversation.

Shuen snorted as he looked at Cecilia. "Yeah, as if that will work out. Binding me to you is worse than binding Sebastian to Claude," he said lowly as he turned his back to Cecilia. He knew what she was doing, and that sight...was certainly something that he didn't need right now.

"Besides...my mark...isn't one that you should have to bear."

She looked at him he was rejecting it. She looked at him quietly a moment. "Then bear mine." she said simply as she looked at him. "I'm not doing this out of pity. I love him.....but you don't feel you have the right to stay here.....then....I will give you equal footing with him because that is what he wants."

Worse then Claude and Sebastian she shook her head at that one. "True....but neither one of us are either one of them." She said softly and they weren't.

Shuen shook his head and turned his head to look back at her. "Yeah, as if I want to bear your mark," he said snidely. He was stubborn, but this wasn't something that he wanted to have between himself and another demon.

He wanted to be bound to a human, not another demon. was that too much to ask for? "I don't want to be bound to another demon...I want to be bound to a human...." he said before turning his head to stare at the wall.

"I can't bind myself to another demon...I have nothing to gain from another of our kind."

She looked at him and shrugged. "I offered." she said as she turned to walk into the bathroom to fill the large tub which would take a while with hot enough water for him. "then we have a problem because no human soul can handle mutlitple contracts......and while I offered between us I'm not generous enough to give him up." she said softly and walked into the bathroom leaving him in the room with Keyon she knew Shuen would not harm him.

Shuen sighed and closed his eyes, whispering lowly, "Don't you think I know that by now?" he shook his head and looked at Keyon from the corner of his eye before he turned and left.

He couldn't deal with this. He wanted Keyon more than anything. He loved him and couldn't stand it...having to hear that woman constantly being near him. Growling in annoyance, Shuen walked down the stairs and out of the estate once again. This time, he didn't go into the forest, he just walked out to the barn and got a horse and saddled it up before he got onto it and rode away, heading for town.

He hadn't had any intentions of staying here with Cecilia while Keyon was asleep. He could only tolerate her for short amounts of time, and her time had ran out five minutes ago.

Cecilia moved about getting things ready for when Keyon awoke a change of clothes a warm bath and even moved off to go get dinner perpared since the bath always took a bit to cool down once she drew it. She was well aware of the fact that Shuen had left and that was fine with her. Honestly how did Sebastian handle Claude wanting to steal Ceil away all the time?

He walked through town with several pakages tucked under his arm honestly he had sent them in earlier and what they came back with? three boxes of shattered plates, four boxes of ruined meats and vegetables. The new linens....looked like they were six years old and from a dumpster. Why he even bothered with them was beyond him. He paused as he looked over the list a long last as if he didn't have enough to do that damn brat wanted dozens more done.....for the Yule Ball which he mentally noted wasn't until the end of the week this was Monday reasonablly he could wait until Friday morning get everything and have it ready so why his Young master decided to add on to everything every day of the week so far that was including yesterday he wasn't sure. "Flowers from Rosen's, Champagne from Flosom and Burkes....and a new variety of Tea because he's bored.....to get yet." Sebastian mused as he balanced all of that in the palm of his left hand looking over the list in his right. He didn't normally need it but Ceil wanted him looking the part of a normal butler.

When he had rode into town, the first thing that he had saw made him stop the horse and stare. The one standing there holding a stack of boxes was none other than Sebastian Michaelis. "Ah damn...as if life wasn't bad enough already...." he said lowly in annoyance.

He jumped when he heard someone yelling at him to get a move on. That had been enough to force him out of his trance, but it hadn't been enough to make him stop staring. But after a few more minutes, he sighed and allowed the horse to keep going. "I wonder if Keyon would like anything from here..." he mused lowly as the horse trotted along. He had stopped in front of a huge store, one filled with expensive clothes, food, sweets and toys.

He sighed as he got down off the horse and made sure that the horse was secure enough so that it couldn't run away before he turned and went into the store and began to idly browse their merchandise.

Sebastian walked past him and into the shop sighing as he went into pick up a few more things that he would need not trying to drive Shuen crazy but at the same token he didn't have an event to organize while his young master spent the time playing a game of chess or talking or doing other things anything but what he needed to be doing.

Sebastian walked into the store and walked through the isles selecting different things to add to his already growing pile of items dreading getting back and finding anything else ruined while he was absent and his young master had locked himself in his study.

It wasn't like he knew what to say to Shuen, to Irrita he had barely spoken to him before now really wasn't any different at least he wasn't Claude........that one Sebastian couldn't stand at all.